Possessed

Something said by someone I met this month, Stanza, got me thinking about objects and what they can mean. I was about to start writing about to what extent I could be defined by my possessions, and then I started making a mental list of things to include. Recent acquisitions include a pestle and mortar (the pestle made of a knobbly stick), an ice bucket, a green snakeskin Pasmo smarcard holder, a printer still in its box, a box of luminous magnetic drawing pins, a red cashmere jumper, and a box of Lindt cognac chocolates. You might think that these objects put me into a box that, while I certainly inhabit it much of the time, can sometimes seem like a pigeonhole.

What strikes me more is that each of those things I mentioned was a gift; when I try to think of what I've bought myself recently, I really struggle. There's a CD of Japanese soul covers, half a blowtorch (I am a co-owner), a new razor and electric toothbrush, and that's about it. Even the toothbrush was actually bought a couple of months ago. This paints a picture of me as a distinctly thrifty person, not the first adjective I would come up with for myself, though who am I to say?

This isn't to say that I don't like having things - far from it. I take great pleasure in having nice things and using them often; there's no question that I enjoy wearing my new jumper (as I am right now) more than I do when I don a tattier older one that is that little bit less soft and luxurious. I am certainly grateful when people give things to me. That isn't just a momentary feeling when I receive a present, but is something more lasting; it sounds sanctimonious but I do feel a ripple of appreciation each time I use something I treasure that I've been given by someone. But some of that appreciation stems from a sense that I couldn't have got whatever the thing is, or sometimes that I just wouldn't have thought of it. That doesn't mean I don't want or need it, but I think it's an interesting conclusion to reach that I often don't know what I want. I feel like that doesn't reflect me when it comes to life choices - at least, I hope it doesn't - but there's no denying it on a more material level.

Given the choice, though, I would always buy myself a nice lunch rather than a new gadget, and a holiday would come before a computer or a new phone pretty much every time. Does that make me and my wants transient? Or are my memories just more important than my material legacy?